Rob's Corner: What the Water Knows

I've been a water guy since I was a kid. Surfing does that to you, it gets into how you see the ocean for the rest of your life. Even now, when I'm just standing on the sand instead of paddling out, I'm still reading it. Where the currents are pulling, why one break works and another doesn't, which sections you'd never paddle out on and which ones you would.

We end up at the beach more than people might guess. Sometimes it's because we're already out that way, a doctor's appointment near one of the bases, or we're escaping the heat, or seeing family close by. We'll grab lunch somewhere on the water, walk the pier, or just get our feet in the sand. Sometimes it's thirty minutes. That's enough.

I can usually feel it coming before Heather says anything, that wound-up feeling, my temperament sliding somewhere I don't want it to go. The ocean is the reset button. I don't fully understand why sand and waves do what pills and appointments can't always do. I just know that they do.

Heather's Translation

I love the ocean the way most people love the ocean. Pretty view, nice breeze, good place for lunch. That's not really what it is for me anymore, though.

For me, it's become the place I watch him come back to himself. I'm not the surfer in this relationship. I like it from a distance, sand in my toes, watching the water instead of reading it the way he does. But I've learned to recognize what it's doing for him while it's happening, the shoulders dropping, the long exhale, the pace of his talking slowing down, whatever was sideways starting to sit back down.

I don't think it has to be the ocean for everyone. For some people it's a walk in the park, or a massage, or silence in a car with the windows down. The specific thing doesn't matter as much as having one. If you're a caregiver, it's worth asking what your person's version of the beach is, and whether you're building in the thirty minutes to get them there.

One fact worth knowing:

Research suggests that time near water may support well-being and stress recovery, although the effects and their causes vary by person and setting.

Source:

White MP, Elliott LR, Gascon M, Roberts B, Fleming LE. “Blue space, health and well-being: A narrative overview and synthesis of potential benefits.” Environmental Research, 2020;191:110169. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.envres.2020.110169

What Helped

We notice the early signs that Rob is winding up, then make room for a familiar calming place before the overload grows. The useful part is knowing his reset and using it early.

Closing

Does your person have a place like this, the thing that resets them when everything else can't? We'd love to hear about it.

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