Heather’s Corner

Rob booked a cruise while I was away.

Usually, when an unexpected purchase arrives, I investigate the return policy. This one came with a departure date.

We had never taken a vacation together like this. So after some debate, we kept it.

Then I began the very relaxing process of preparing to relax.

Doctor’s appointments needed moving. Our schedule needed clearing. The nonprofit needed enough work finished ahead of time to keep going without me answering emails from the ocean.

Apparently, doing nothing requires considerable advance work.

Rob had a reason for choosing a cruise. Flying is difficult for him. The crowds, TSA lines, baggage, being confined to an airplane seat, and leaving familiar things behind make travel overwhelming. A ship leaving from nearby San Diego offered a different possibility. He could bring things that helped him feel at home, settle into one room, and walk around.

He wanted to find out whether I could become a cruise girl.

The weather decided to make that a proper audition.

Trying to take a nice photograph outside became its own recreational activity.

My hair went everywhere. My sweatshirt inflated into a balloon. We eventually made a reel of our attempts because apparently the photographs needed supporting evidence.

Meanwhile, Rob found an unexpected benefit to the rocking ship.

He often worries that his difficulty walking makes him look drunk, even though he doesn’t drink. On the ship, other people were staggering too. For once, he felt less conspicuous.

That part stayed with me.

So did his determination to attend absolutely everything.

Every show. The special dinners. All the things we rarely get to do.

I kept thinking we needed rest and recovery time. He wanted to know what we were doing next.

I had brought my caregiver concerns to sea. Rob had apparently brought an entertainment agenda.

And yes, there were still things to manage. We worried about his nighttime wandering and access to the balcony. His brain injuries came with us. So did my awareness of what could go wrong.

But we also got to sit and watch the water.

Someone else made dinner. There were no appointments to drive to, no therapy visits to arrange our day around, and no constant effort to squeeze everything else between them.

We had time together. We felt more like a couple.

There was recovery afterward. Rob slept for days once we got home, which belongs in the story just as much as the dinners and the ridiculous photos.

He also enjoyed himself.

I’m glad we went.

Am I a cruise girl now? The jury is still out. My hair would like to submit a formal objection.

But we found a way to take a vacation that worked better for us than flying. We had some room to enjoy each other and do things we miss.

I’m still thinking about what else we might be able to make room for.

Heather

Rob’s Corner

What I enjoyed most was getting back on the ocean. That’s home for me. The seas were lively. Before we left, people were sending us those pictures of Lieutenant Dan from Forrest Gump standing on the boat yelling, “You call this a storm?” Kind of felt like that.

The funny part is nobody would have known how unsteady I am on a normal day. I’d watch people staggering down the hallway and just laugh to myself. Welcome to my world. For once I blended in.

We got to La Bufadora too. That place didn’t disappoint. The blowhole was really going. Water everywhere, people yelling. I just stood there thinking this was the best part of the trip. Glad we went. Ocean still feels like home.

I also really needed that time with my wife. Sometimes the lines get blurry between wife and caregiver. It was good to just be a couple again.

Rob

One useful thing to take with you

The fact: After a traumatic brain injury, thinking and concentrating can take more effort and cause mental fatigue. An enjoyable outing can still be tiring.

A resource: MSKTC’s Fatigue and Traumatic Brain Injury explains fatigue and offers practical ways to pace activities and plan rest.

Back at the Nest: Want help understanding changes after brain injury? Explore Brain Injury 101.

A question for you

Have you found a way to do something you thought your family had lost? Hit reply and tell us. We’d love to hear it.