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The Closet That Time Forgot
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Rob's Corner: The Photos in Braden's Closet Heather was cleaning out Braden's room yesterday, the way you do when a kid's room slowly turns into a storage unit for everything nobody wants to deal with. I wasn't part of the project. I just wandered in to check on her and got ambushed by a shoebox of old photos. Beach days. The kids were tiny, boogie boards under their arms, goofy grins, the wagon packed with every toy we owned. I remembered all of it, the early mornings driving out to grab a good spot on the sand before the Fourth of July crowds showed up, the whole production of getting everyone and everything down to the water. Looking at those photos, it didn't feel like fifteen years ago. It felt like last week. And that's the part that got me. Braden's already graduated college. The other kids are grown or nearly there. Somewhere between those beach days and this closet full of things he doesn't need anymore, all that time just went. I remember it so clearly that I keep expecting it to still be happening. Heather's Translation I was elbow-deep in a closet, not expecting a moment, and then there was Rob, quiet, holding a stack of photos, somewhere else entirely for a minute. I think what caught him wasn't just nostalgia. It was the gap between how vividly he remembers those years and how much has actually changed since then. The kids aren't little anymore. He knows that. But some memories don't feel like memories, they feel current, and it's disorienting when the present doesn't match what your mind is still holding onto. I didn't rush him out of it. I let him sit with the photos for a minute while I kept cleaning. Some days the work is scrubbing a closet. Some days it's just standing next to him while he has a feeling. One fact worth knowing: Remote and recent memories can behave differently, but the pattern varies by diagnosis. The cited 2018 study found a temporal gradient in autobiographical memory among pediatric brain-tumor survivors treated with radiotherapy. It should not be generalized to every form of brain injury or dementia. Source: Journal of Neuroscience, 2018. https://www.jneurosci.org/content/38/38/8251 What Helped I did not correct the timeline or pull him back to the present. I gave him time with the photos and stayed nearby. Closing What's a memory that catches you off guard, the kind that still feels like it just happened? We'd love to hear about it. |
Heather at Robbins Nest Alliance
Free weekly newsletter for caregivers navigating brain injury, CTE, dementia, Parkinson's, and PTSD. Real information. Peer-reviewed. From people who've been where you are.
Heather’s Corner Rob booked a cruise while I was away. Usually, when an unexpected purchase arrives, I investigate the return policy. This one came with a departure date. We had never taken a vacation together like this. So after some debate, we kept it. Then I began the very relaxing process of preparing to relax. Doctor’s appointments needed moving. Our schedule needed clearing. The nonprofit needed enough work finished ahead of time to keep going without me answering emails from the ocean....
Rob's Corner: The Quiet Got Me I love war movies and history in general. Heather doesn't, not really, she tolerates them, tunes out half the dialogue, and has heard the same films enough times in the background to know them by heart anyway. So when I asked her to actually sit and watch a new one with me, that was already a good night. We did it right. Couch fluffed, snacks out, surround sound on, lights off. Fifteen minutes in, I started narrating the equipment on screen, the names of the...
Rob's Corner: The Carboy Incident Years ago I planted grapevines in the backyard. Syrah, Chardonnay, Zinfandel, a few table grapes for good measure. I have no memory of what I was thinking at the time, but they've been growing ever since, and this year I finally decided we were making wine. Braden and Audrey got me winemaking kits for Christmas and my birthday, which I took as a mandate. So I went out and picked, basket after basket, sorted by variety, and got everything ready for press day....